saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
