He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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