after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
