you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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