I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
