Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
