Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
