On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
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Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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