don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
