The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
