So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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