You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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