there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
