thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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