you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so let's talk penis.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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