god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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