The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
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I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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