My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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