Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
