I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
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Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
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Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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