brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
People with herpes should wear stickers.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
