Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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