just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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