It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
