I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
