I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
