i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
