She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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