i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
