At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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