we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
