That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
