I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
