my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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