C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
