yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
