And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
