We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
