I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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