so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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