Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
