i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
