just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
