so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
