I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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