I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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