I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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