How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
