How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.