We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Found the puke drawer
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us