to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything