If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.