i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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