Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
