I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
