i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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