what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
