she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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