guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
