Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
