so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
