Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
