Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
