Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
